Hi, I'm the Reverend Tim Spankley; let me reveal my secret to you.
Lets talk about success and how by sending your money to my church, you will become a better person, like me.
I know. You're saying to yourselves " he looks normal, just like one of us." But looks can be deceptive. Actually I'm much better than you in every way. Let me explain.
For starters I have a religion that allows you to be a member if you send me a donation. Why? Because I say so. In return I will send you some bits of paper that will probably lower yourself esteem even further. After all there is always a parable somewhere that allows me to do this, or at least it seems like that to me.
Second I have a charitable status which saves me from paying taxes. That means that as long as you keep sending money I can use it as the head of my church sees fit, and that's me. So if its your last dollar, send it in. I want you to and God wants you to.
And that my friends, makes me better than you. Because if God didn't mean me to do this then he wouldn't let me now would he? Case closed. So if you would be good enough to send in those donations, then I will pray for you.
In fact I'll pray for you to keep sending more and more "tythes", which incidentally is next months word for it, and somewhere along the line you will realize that you are all the better for having the privilege of experiencing my faith at such a low cost.
There are many out there who pray for you every day, but I play for you every minute.
Thank you and oh, Amen
The Reverend T. Spankley