The Royal St. Swiggins Hotel and Bar: A translation of Phrases and local usage: Proprietor Dick McSwiggins "If you think you can find a better service, you don't know Dick."


Bar Brawl is presented by E.M.Byberry    .

 This week EMs translation of  Dick McSwiggins' service lingo, published to avoid  misunderstanding by new patrons and subsequent action by the local constables. See if you can match the industry standard with the St Swiggins version. If you have trouble just look across, because theyre right next to each other you moron.
Service Industry Standard St Swiggins Translation
 Good Evening Sir 

My Name is Dick, I’ll be serving you today. Is there some way I can be of service to you?

Lovely weather we’ve been having lately 

Would you care for an aperitif? 

We have that in both regular and lite versions, which would you prefer?

Would care for a snack? We have an excellent selection.

Can I retrieve the condiments for you? It’s certainly no trouble.

May I suggest that you avail yourself of tonight’s live entertainment.

 

Can I light that for you sir? 

May I compliment you on you choice of wardrobe- this evening sir?

I humbly apologize, it seems this glass has a small crack, let me get you a replacement and refresh your drink.

Pray will you tell me again, sir, that amusing tale you related to me last week about the little girl and her dog

I always hold your opinion as most valuable sir

It’s been a pleasure serving you this evening

                                                                                          Come back soon

Hi Shithead

Who the f…. do you think you’re lookin at?                                                                                                       

Eat me

What the f…. do you want to drink?

Its what I gat so shut the f… up                                                          

You’re going to eat that? OohKay.                                            

If you want ketchup tell me now cos I’m not going back in the f….in kitchen.

All we got to look at in here is some shithead trying to get the washing machine to accept his underwear in the laundramat across the street                                                              

Did your buy your cigarettes here?

Jesus how can you walk out of the house lookin like such a homo.

Hey with any luck the f-in glass will kill you.

 

Hey, why don’t you shut the f…. up with your stupid f-ing stories.

                                                                                              Who the f…. asked you anyway?

Why don’t you get the f… out of here, asshole, before I kick you out

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

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