This wonderful new invention is
the be-all and end-all self help course!
What is it? Its what everyone is talking about!
Purple Empowerment Calcium Therapy!
Now you can empower yourself to be anything.
You have the power. In a few short lessons you can be what ever you want to be. Just turn on the VCR, and watch the surprisingly short video tapes. Follow the videos with the easy-to-read manuals, or get someone to read them to you, then follow up with the cassette tapes in your car or RV. Just let these amazing principles wash over you like a cool fresh wave on a hot beach. How does it help?
HERE'S OUR SECRET
Don't you get tired of requiring food and water in order to exist? Of course you do, its a nuisance and its down right demeaning. Now with this new program you can empower yourself not to need it! In just a few short weeks you will get yourself to the point where basic sustenance will matter little to you. Just imagine, you will not need anything at all!
You can do this is n the comfort of you own home, in the yard, on the bus; it makes no difference. And it doesn't stop there. If you don't want to do the whole thing at once you can takes it easy and start gradually. Look at these testimonials!
Says Matt Cragshaw, Virginia Beach
"Yesterday I empowered my friend Marc to be an astronaut,
and he's totally exited. He has been working from pay check to pay check up
until now. Of course he went straight into work with the astronauts helmet on
and now he doesn't have a paycheck at all! He says feels totally exited. He has told me he intends to buy
your course with the last $90.00
left on his credit card. That he says will definitely give him the edge he needs
to work out how he will manage to deposit himself in orbit".
Fantastic says Willie Splatzer from Connecticut.
" I'm psyched! The old gal that lives across the street bought your course and empowered my neighbor Tim to become the town drunk. As a life time non-drinker it's not surprising that we haven't been able to find him after he was released from custody.
Since we found out that you don't even need a license for this Calcium Empowerment, it's been catching on all over town. My wife is now a famous football player and she's totally excited."
Just go with it.
Take for example Mrs Sandra Cauldwell who got empowered by her husband to breathe underwater. What now would seem to be an an unfortunate incident after he helped her dive into the local pond, is actually not. Not according to our research, which was conducted in the presence of several highly paid doctors at the "Chiropractors R Us" franchise. They say, and we quote directly from them, "no it isn't"!!!
Oh sure you say, there's a downside. Well everything else has a down side, but not this. You can break all the rules, as you empower yourself to do fullfill your every whim. The three easy payments of $29.95 made with your order will get you on the road to self sufficiency in no time at all.
Purple Calcium Empowerment
a division of Acme Memorial and Semetarial Resources specializing in countrywide bereavement products, services and arrangements.
To Order the Complete package just use your credit card or money order for just 3 easy weekly payments of just $29.95 in advance and we will rush you the keys to empowerment at some point in the future. Please make sure that you supply details of your next of kin so we may fine tune your progress.
"Give a starving man a fish and you
feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you really
piss him off." from the Reverend Father Lancelot Bottomley: